You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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