In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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