You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
