Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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