Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
