Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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