He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
