New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You dont lie about slip and slides
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
