Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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