I bet he comes in French.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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