I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
