Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
