I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
