pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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