I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She needs sedatives and a leash
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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