I can text with my tongue
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
