I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
