I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
