i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
