I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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