I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize