I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize