I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
