My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
