Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
