ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
