last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize