if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
