Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
