also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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