Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
