In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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