Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
