So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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