I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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