Someone shit on the floor
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
