My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
