I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
