I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
