yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
