The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
