He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
