Got a toothbrush?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we made out on top of his cat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She needs sedatives and a leash
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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