No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
