He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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