I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
