ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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