I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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