Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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