i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
