Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize