I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
