who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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