eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
