is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
