you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
