i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
