I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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