I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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