How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
