Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize