i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
