38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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